just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
