then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
