weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize
