when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
