omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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