you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
