Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
