Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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