Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
