Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
