Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
