i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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