I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We are all done wearing pants today
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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