So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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