i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
