Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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