I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
