i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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