I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
