my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
