alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
