clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
That reminds me...we need to get swords
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
