Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
