oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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