Where is the hickey?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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