Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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