The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
