I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
