Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
