So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
