Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We left the knife in your bed.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize