So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
