Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
