And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's blow job season.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
