You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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