There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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