its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
