Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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