Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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