I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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