Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize