Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
