Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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