What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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