i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
