you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
