I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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