I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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