There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
