I showed him my bush... on skype.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
