OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
