so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
