I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
