when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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