Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize