I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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