Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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