that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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