Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
