her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize