I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it was like eating out sand paper
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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