wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize