I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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