this just has baby written all over it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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