sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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