you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize