I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
In other news, I just burned my penis
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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