You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
