I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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