entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
