you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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