My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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