So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
