this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
