Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
