you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
