this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
