what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
