haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
