This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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