I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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