Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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