I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize