I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
