you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
two words: eviction party
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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