what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
