apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
